S.E.C.T.S. Cells

Shadow Elite Corps: Tactical Strike Cells, also known as S.E.C.T.S. Cells, is a ship-combat game for people that want quick, brutal space battles that can be resolved in a set time (say, an hour, or three hours).

The fleets are controlled by A.I., which are so sophisticated that they actually have emotions and sex drives, so the only way to keep them from going insane is to provide them with outlets for these urges.

The problem is, there’s been a glitch, and now the A.I.s are actually incapable of differentiating between the two, and all the ships are attacking each other, believing that they’re engaging in a little hide-the-salami.

So the players control hypersexual A.I.s who interpret every volley of photon bursts or tachyon missiles as an intimate encounter, lurid tryst, or torrid back-seat second-base tonsil-hockey.

Your fighters break off combat and try to flank someone else’s forces? Coitus interruptus. You fail to honor the alliance and you attack friendly forces? An affair with her best friend.

Also, I built this Death Star from scratch.

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